WHERE IS THE MAN I MARRIED?

married

I couldn’t control the tears as they flowed freely of their own accord. The pain in my head and stomach was nothing compared to the pain in my heart.

My hand remained on my cheek where it flew to instinctively after I felt the thunderous slap that sent me to the floor though that didn’t stop him from hitting me like a boxer rehearsing for a revenge match.

“I regret the day I married you!” His voice echoed alongside the beating.

Though this had been going on for years, I still cannot believe this is the man I agreed to marry.

Dave was the perfect lover, the every-lady type of guy and I felt the luckiest of all women when he asked me out in the most romantic way you can ever imagine. If not for people around, I would have assumed I was in heaven.

We were the envy of all our friends, even my mum would always tease me that if she wasn’t married and I wasn’t her daughter, she would take Dave away from me.

The day we got married, I felt like freezing time but that was impossible. I consoled myself with the fact that I would be married to Dave for the rest of my life.

I cannot really say this was when things turned because even when I started seeing some traits I excused them thinking it was just my imagination or mistake.

When I was no longer sure, I spoke to trusted friends and family about it but I stopped when everyone kept asking me what I did wrong.

“Dave is not like that,” I kept telling myself. I must be doing something wrong. I tried being at my best but it only seems to fuel the flame. Every attempt to make things right and be a good wife only infuriated Dave more and gets him suspicious of me.

I feel responsible for what Dave has become; this wasn’t the man I married. Maybe if I have been a good wife, Dave would still be the man I said “yes” to at the altar.

I seek the man I married and would do anything to have him back. I just hope it wouldn’t include my death!

Hey! Can you relate with the above story or know someone in a similar situation?

It’s time to get the man your marriage back!

“That’s impossible” I can hear you scream.

Read through before you conclude.

I am sure you have tried all you can to revive your marriage and get back the man you were willing to spend the rest of your life with, only now you do not know how long that life would be and with the way things are going you would definitely not spend it the way you had envisioned.

What about if you just stop trying?

“You are crazy, that would be the end of me!” I can almost hear you crying out but yes what if you just stop trying would make it work.

Stop trying to be the savior of your marriage or the lamb to the slaughter.

Stop trying to take all the blame and consequences of his action.

Stop trying to be everything he says you are no matter how degrading it is.

Stop trying to justify his actions.

Stop comparing the past with the present.

Just STOP!

You cannot deal with the present while holding on to the fragments of the past. Allow the past remain in the past and face reality. Deal with the present situation. Stop living in denial.

The first step to reviving your marriage is accepting the present no matter how good or real you want the past to remain. He was affectionate, now he is brutal. Leave the past in the past.

At this point, if you will be sincere with yourself, I am sure you can hardly recognize yourself. You cannot even connect the woman you used to be to the woman you have become. Your self-worth had been buried in your husband and he has buried it in the thickest forest imaginable.

Now is the time to find that woman, you have lost. The woman who was ready to take over the world and achieve all her dreams in respective of whatever storm life brings her way. You need to believe in you and love yourself appropriately. You can only give what you have!

The hardest part but most important is this. You have to get help. I know you do not want to spread your family’s dirty lining outside and you don’t want another person to see you as a woman not capable of building her home but those same people would come to your graveyard and scream to all ears how stupid you were for not been sensible enough to get help. Stop wallowing in self-pity, hiding from people’s criticism and stand up for you.

If you cannot tell a family member or friend, there are organizations against domestic violence that will be willing to help you and might also have people who have gone through the same thing willing to share with you how they overcame theirs.

You do not have to keep bearing it or walk through it alone.

Live in the present, love your-self, get help, only then can you find the man you married.

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